How to Get More Help Around the House

A recent study conducted by the Council on Contemporary Families announced that dads today are doing nearly twice as much as their counterparts 45 years ago... while that might have been good news for our grandmothers, it's not such good news for us! It doesn't take a mathematician to figure out that twice as much as zero isn't a whole heck of a lot. Today's moms don't need to read the latest statistics to know that we are doing more than half of the home and child care related tasks... regardless of whether we work outside of the home or not. While some researchers expect this change in culture to continue, let's face it, moms of today have a century old deep routed mentality to break. As feminist Linda Hirshman put it, "The thickest glass ceiling is at home." To break this glass ceiling we are going to have to start changing the culture in our own homes. If you're ready to get started read on!

1. Ask for Help!
Sounds easy enough and probably even a little simplistic as well... Many of us aren't asking for help because sometimes it's easier to do these tasks ourselves or sometimes we think that the task needs to be completed a certain way (code for mom is the only one who can adequately complete the task). Many of us also take great pride in being in charge of our households and being on top of everything kid related... some of us really like to be in charge or are used to being in charge... The bottom line is that to get help you're going to have to be willing to give up some of your domain. To make this easier figure out what tasks you really don't need to do personally and start delegating, in the long run, your life will be much easier.

Another reason many of us aren't getting the help we need is because by the time we do ask for help we've reached our breaking point and the request has turned into either an angry demand for help or a venting session about how we never get any help. This undercurrent of anger and frustration isn't very effective and doesn't result in any long term change. So instead of waiting until you blow your top, think through all that needs to be done and figure out which tasks you'd like help with. Then sweetly, politely, or nicely, say something like... "honey it would be a huge help if you could... Will you please...? THANK YOU!" If you are uncomfortable with this approach, sit down and have a heart to heart with your spouse. Explain how overwhelmed you feel and that you need help. Together you can work out a division of the workload.

2. Praise, Praise, and More Praise.
Now that you've asked and now that he's helping let him know how much you appreciate his help. Reward the positive behavior that you'd like to see repeated (does this sound familiar?). Don't criticize or tell him what he did wrong just because he didn't do it your way.

3. Say Goodbye to the Sacrificial Supermom.
First of all, Supermom doesn't exist. Many of us feel that the only way we can be good moms is to be the do everything, be everywhere mom. Just because you don't work outside of the home doesn't mean that you aren't making a valuable contribution at home, so stop trying to prove yourself. And for those of you who do work outside of the home and are riddled with guilt from trying to juggle work and motherhood stop trying to live up to Supermom. No one can do it ALL. No one person can be in five places at once, so cut yourself some slack. If you don't, you run the risk of running yourself ragged - a run down stressed out mom is not good for anyone. If this tip hits home and you need more help putting the sacrificial supermom out to pasture, check out 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know by Michele Borba, Ed.D.

4. Get Your Kids Involved.
Enlist your kids to help with the household chores that they can handle. Purchase or make a chores chart/board to track their chores and to reward your children's helpfulness around the house with praise or a small token. Make cleaning up fun, race to see who can clean up the fastest. Not only will this make your life more manageable, it will also give your children skills they'll need throughout their life.

5. Encourage and Promote Independence and Self Reliance Appropriate for Your Child's Age.
For example if your daughter can pick out her own clothes, let her; if your son can get his own snack, let him. If there are tasks that most kids your child's age can do, teach your child how to do these things and encourage him/her to do them.

6. If You've Tried All of the Above and Nothing Seems to Work, Figure Out What You Can Live With.
Will it really kill you if the house isn't as tidy as you'd like? Can the laundry wait until the weekend? Let go of some of these things and if they really start to pile up, your man just might pitch in out of sheer necessity. As a last resort (these are difficult economic times...) buck up for a house cleaner once or twice a month.

GOOD LUCK! P.S. We want to hear from you! Come on over to our community and let us know how it's going or if you've come up with you own tactics to change the culture at your house.